‘Game of Thrones’ Season 8, Episode 2 winners and losers

first_imgStefon’s Westeros Club CornerThere’s plenty of doom and gloom around the Seven Kingdoms, so to end each week on a lighter note, we will pick a location from the episode and describe it through the eyes of “Saturday Night Live” character Stefon.New Westeros’ hottest club is … WINTERFELL. Located on the upper and lower side of Tim Burton’s brain, this future private school library will drive you stark-raving mad in more ways than one.This place has everything: dragonglass, dragonknives, dragonforks, A MAN WHO ONLY DRINKS THE BREASTMILK OF A GIANT … and hey, is that Beric Dondarrion? No, it’s Ryan Fitzpatrick with a flaming sword and an eyepatch! You may be asking yourself, “What is ‘Game of Thrones’ doing on a sports site? Does an HBO show fall under the sports category? Oh, that reminds me of ‘The Wire.’ I love ‘The Wire.’ I can’t believe Idris Elba was using an American accent that whole time. What a terrific actor! Wait, what was I talking about?”Calm down, reader. Let’s not get off track. To answer the first two questions, sure, “Game of Thrones” can be sports. It is a competition (battle for the Iron Throne) between multiple teams (houses) for an ultimate prize (ruling Westeros and getting Jim Nantz’s tie). So yes, we’ll call it sport.  MORE “GAME OF THRONES”:Winners and losers from Season 8, Episode 1With that said, Sporting News will be providing winners and losers from the eighth and final season of “Game of Thrones.” We will treat the final six episodes like six huge playoff games — only instead of teams trying to kill time off the clock with a big lead, armies will be trying to kill wights with dragonglass and fire. Same thing, basically.Unlike the “Game of Thrones” theme, this introduction will actually end. Without further ado, the winners and losers from “Game of Thrones” Season 8, Episode 2, entitled “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms…”(***Obvious spoilers warning***)”Game of Thrones” Episode 2 winners— Brienne of Tarth: Oh yeah, that’s Ser Brienne to all of you nerds. Look at this beautiful blonde knight basking in the moment. Brienne just blasted through Westeros’ glass ceiling. She’s like Becky Hammon with way more armor.#GameofThrones S8 E2 is officially titled ‘A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms’ pic.twitter.com/EZcgCQBmBz— Game of Thrones Facts (@thronesfacts) April 22, 2019This was all the validation Brienne has wanted her entire life. This was Michael Jordan finally holding the Larry O’Brien trophy — before a zombie army came to destroy him and the rest of the NBA? Actually, MJ is still the most ruthless being in that scenario. He would shoot a fadeaway jumper over three wights and then trash talk the Night King. Six Rings > Seven Kingdoms, or something.— Jaime Lannister: In addition to having a gold hand, this freaking guy has some brass balls. He essentially dove into shark-infested waters while wearing a meat suit and swam to the surface without a scratch. Or, to more accurately describe the stakes, he came back to Cleveland wearing a No. 6 Heat jersey and walked out with a win.Jaime also deserves credit for knighting Brienne in one of the more touching scenes in “Game of Thrones” history. Cue the “One Shining Moment” music — before the zombie army comes to destroy everthing.— Arya Stark: The biggest fight of Arya’s life … trying to get out of 27 layers of clothes to heat up Winterfell with Gendry.I think that zombie army is right outside? Doesn’t matter, had sex!— Night King: We ain’t …Going nowhere …We ain’t …Going nowhere …We can’t be stopped now …’Cause it’s Night King for life.”Game of Thrones” Episode 2 losers— Tyrion Lannister: OK, how does this dude still have a job? Why does Daenerys keep him around? Does she work in the front office for the Bengals? Is Tyrion just a shorter Marvin Lewis? Yes, Tyrion has displayed his intelligence and employed clever strategies in the past. But man, he’s been taking a ton of L’s since he got that job promotion. Then again, Ernie Grunfeld was the Wizards’ president for 16 years. Yeah, Tyrion’s got time.— Daenerys Targaryen: So, she had to stare down Jaime and let him go without any real punishment. The Hand of the Queen is calling draw plays on third-and-long. Sansa Stark won’t bow down if there is a world left after the Battle of Winterfell. Grey Worm and Missandei are planning a spring break trip Cancun. Jon Snow has a clear path to the Iron Throne.It was already said last week, but it’s worth repeating. Prepare yourselves …Ladies and Gentlemen, we are only a few days away from Daenerys blowing a 3 dragon lead. pic.twitter.com/w8SGlOwaVi— Cowboy Kof (@KofieYeboah) April 4, 2019— Ghost’s placement: Hey, where the hell have you been? Why is no one petting him? Acknowledge Ghost, you heartless bastard!🐺 Ghost is back to take on some #WhiteWalkers #GameofThrones pic.twitter.com/ts2Mj6LozW— Game of Thrones Facts (@thronesfacts) April 22, 2019Ah, I can’t stay mad at you. Who’s a good direwolf? Yes, you are!last_img

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